i just do both

 

i always become extremely emotional + nostalgic

this time each year.

for a long, long time fall was cursed for me.

every year, without fail, something horribly bad would happen...

always unanticipated, unplanned.

always heartbreaking.

it kind of became a joke between my mom + i.

"i wonder what's going to happen this fall?"

we'd ask each other.

...

but, things have turned around the last few years...

starting with the fall my brother took the photo above

of my cousin and i.

that's the fall i decided things were going to be different for me.

that's the fall i started to just let things go.

that's the fall that i began my search for who i really was.

that's the fall that changed my life...

and i didn't realize it then, 

but i'd never be the same.

...

when i see the leaves on the ground,

i don't know whether to cry or smile.

so sometimes,

i just do both.