Monday, February 7

dear husband,

i'm sure i'm not the only woman in the world with a sleep talking, arm throwing, snoring as loud as humanly possible husband/partner. so i'm sure plenty of you can relate.....

brandon does this heavy breathing, followed up with some snorting/choking sound.
and of course, there's no rhythm to what he's doing, so it's hard to listen to... let alone fall sleep to.

i've now lived with this issue for close to 3 years.
i'm not really sure how to handle it, so i've resorted to violent shaking.
I do it until he wakes up and usually say something to the effect of...
"you're loud"
"stop snoring"
"lay on your other side"
"shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

and then he'll move around a little, shut up for a minute and fall back asleep...
only to start breathing heavily 10 minutes later.

last night was no exception...
first he starts with the heavy breathing, which turns into the occasional snort and finally driving me crazy with the surprisingly/shockingly loud snort/choke.

so i began to shake him. violently.
he stopped snoring, rolled around for a second and in an ever so groggy voice...
"if you shake me, i'll punch you in the face."

first: my husband would never actually do this.
second: i face raked him for being annoying.

about an hour later we woke up due to some loud neighbors.
I told him to stop snoring and that he was a jerk for threatening to punch me in the face.

"wait, what?" he asked.
"you threatened to punch me in the face for shaking you."

he laughed like a school girl and had no recollection of our almost bedtime brawl.



i'm so glad you found it all so amusing, brandon.
unlike you, i'm really tired today.
thanks.

6 comments:

Shalyn said...

HA! My husband and I say things during that night that we don't remember ALL THE TIME!

Have you tried ear plugs? Gall, I dont think I could handle that! Your a tough girl!

Jamie Lane said...

Hahahah! That. is. awesome. Fortunatly I usually go to sleep quicker than my husband but when I am up while he is sleeping we have the funniest conversatinos. We even got in a fight once because I had no idea he was sleeping, he looked awake to me!

My FAV. story: Kent "woke-up" in the middle of the night to tell me he had a dream that he was singing a song in church. The lyrics? "Jesus cooks them with his eyes." Lovely. I have never let him live that one down.

ms. elisabeth said...

hahahaha!
can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Mighty Burns said...

bahaha ok.. I know you must be very tired.. I am also tired. Not from snoring but from a cat who wakes me up too early by bitch slapping me awake at 4am and comes back for more.
But this brought me great joy to read.. awww thats why I read blogs! Thank you and rest up!

SmallTownGirl said...

oh the bedtime threats! I've heard several. = ]

Has he been checked for Sleep Apnea? My husband did this often. So much that I would sometimes get up and sleep on the couch. We found out he had sleep apnea. Since he's started working toward curing it he's felt so much better, lost weight, and doesn't snore as bad.

ms. elisabeth said...

I think he's just got a really awful deviated septum. I keep telling him to have it looked at, but he insists it's fine.
I'm sure one of these days I'll get him to have it looked at. Until then I might try the ear plugs, like shalyn recommended :)